Happy Thanksgiving I Love You,
On this Thursday, November 27th 2013 also known as Thanksgiving, I am so thankful. I'm thankful for Dr. Brown and his ability to perform surgery on a 3 day old and turn my knees around. I walk because of him!! I'm thankful that my aunt despite what her intentions may have been ran home to tell my dad, that by the looks of that baby you are the father. I'm thankful for my elementary school detecting my hearing loss. I'm thankful that my mother allowed me to never feel like I was less than any other child. I'm thankful that I had a plethora of cousins to play with growing up. I'm thankful that my aunt and uncle taught me toughness, resilience and strength all through their words and board games. I'm thankful that my dog Tamu protected me and was my first best friend. I'm thankful for my neighbors as a kid, young and old who were our village. I'm thankful for that guidance counselor who heard my story and reacted. I'm thankful for Tracy, Sherry, Queen and Marisa who were the best friends I needed in those various stages of my life that they were present. I'm thankful for the many books my mom purchased that I would lose myself in at night. I'm thankful for ABC television for creating shows like Ryans Hope, Loving, The City, All My Children, One Life to Live and General Hospital...they were my escape. I'm thankful for my uncle for making the decision to get clean and for giving me the opportunity to tell his peers how much he meant to me. I'm thankful for my grandmother allowing me to play poker with her, my grandpa and the members of their senior group. I'm thankful for my great aunt who took the time right before she suddenly died, to tell me about her and my grandmas first time coming to New York and why. I'm thankful for the cousins who i'm no longer close with but whom I think about often and hold dear in my heart. I'm thankful for Mrs. Orrico who called me to the front of the class in fifth grade and asked me to read my story to the class because it was so good. I'm thankful for flat screen televisions. I'm grateful for Tivo. I'm thankful for 80's soul music, 90's hip hop and the fact that I can say memba when music was good. I'm thankful for pagers, two ways and cell phones. I'm thankful for the music industry and the opportunity it afforded me in meeting some of my favorite artists and making lifelong friends. I'm thankful for my Nana who didn't always physically shower me with affection but showed me a kind of love I don't think I shall ever have again. I'm thankful for my Dad who gave me two beautiful brothers who make me feel like an awesome big sister. I'm thankful for my cousin Tisha and the fist fight we had in our 30's...it taught me how incredibly stupid even adults can be. I'm thankful for my cousin Yolanda who through her sheer presence shows me friendship on a different, unassuming, stressless and loving level. I'm thankful for Swiss Miss making hot chocolate. I'm thankful for Starbucks. I'm thankful for American Airlines in spite of the price discrepancies between tickets. I'm thankful for Tortola and Argentina. I'm thankful for the gold fish that came and went. I'm thankful for the Ferris Buellers Day Off, Love Jones, Love and Basketball, The Best Man Holiday, Grease, Can't Buy me Love and The Notebook. I'm thankful for Huntington Village and all of the great restaurants they have. I'm thankful for all of my friends, family and complete strangers that donated to my hearing aid fund. I'm thankful for my former boss who sent an email to my branch encouraging their support of me. I'm thankful I have a job. I'm thankful my employer employed my best friend. I'm thankful I finished my memoir. I'm thankful that I got to vote a black man into presidency. I'm thankful that I can say I have diverse group of friends. I'm thankful for this blog. I'm thankful for this Samsung Ultrabook that is simply awesome. I'm thankful that I won a kindle and own an Ipad. I'm thankful for Mariah Carey, The Temptations, The Jackson and now Mary J. Bliges Christmas music. I'm thankful to be flying to Vegas with some of the women in my family to spend Christmas there. I'm thankful for Fella even though all he does is whine, sleep, shit and sleep....dogs...smh. I'm thankful for Facebook and Twitter, and Tumblr, and Instagram and all of the other crazy apps I've downloaded for keeping me in touch with folks. I'm thankful for the friends who don't go out of their way to make time for me because it makes me appreciate the ones who do, that much more. I'm thankful for the food I'm going to eat today. I'm thankful for Planet Fitness. I'm thankful that my uncle married my aunt she's awesome....hard to recall when she wasn't in my life. I'm thankful for my mother and her gift of being. I'm thankful for so much that these few mentions don't even touch on them. I'm thankful that you're reading this.
Happy Thanksgiving I Love You,
Ever since I was a kid, I had an affinity for playing games. I played monopoly all of the time with my aunt and uncle and during the holidays with the rest of my family. I played scrabble with my grandmother. I played spades and gin rummy with my nana. I played poker with my grandparents and their friends. And later in life my family gets together in the colder weather to play phase ten. I love playing games whether it’s board games, computer games, video games or card games. What I can’t stand is the manipulative version of the game of life that so many people are playing.
I like to pride myself on being honest and not succumbing to the shenanigans of others. I like to believe that all people have a sense of humility and are willing to be straight forward and devoid of undermining tactics to get the results that they want. Unfortunately, this simply isn’t the case for many. So be it. However, when those actions start to touch me and have an impact on my life and my livliehood, you won’t find me any angrier than in those moments.
I don’t understand why people feel the need to say things in an effort to manipulate as opposed to just showing their cards. Face up, full disclosure and in your face is the only true way that one can be respected. I experienced an eye opening situation this week. After discussing it with two other people, I came to the conclusion that they too experienced similar circumstances due to the direct influence of this fourth person who was the perpetrator. The card dealer if you will. After thorough examination of the outcome and the why’s that led up to it, my conclusion was that this fourth person was always allowed to win at games. Probably starting as a child. A person who as an adult doesn’t play fair in life probably never really learned the game rules as a child.
How sad that some people, find that the best way to express their desires and to “ask” people to do the things that they want is by figuring out a way to manipulate them. What’s even sadder is that they haven’t quite mastered the game of manipulation thereby leaving the door open for others to peak over their shoulder and see the cards they’re holding. Many games can go on endlessly and take days and even weeks to finish, it’s those games that finish quickly because the competitor didn’t have a grasp on it that ultimately depicts the loser as a failure.
I pride myself on being a player. But one who respects the game, and the other players. Without respect and appreciation you are doomed to not receiving it back. After talking with the others, I walked away feeling deeply saddened for that fourth person. I even felt pity for that person. It must be quite sad to live a life where you think you’re accomplishing so much and that you’ve invented the game when the truth is the players see you’re cards, are following your eyes and know what move you’re going to make before you do. Oh well, as they say…”don’t hate the game, hate the player”.
Life is short. Today as I think about the impact that those who’ve passed have had on my life I can’t help but feel sad. Sad for me yes, but also sad, about the endless possibilities that some of them were never able to achieve. When I wake up in the morning, I sit for a moment in silence and think about how grateful I am. I thank God for my family and friends, for having a job (two jobs in fact), my dog Fella, and for simply rising. Then, I turn on the television and I find myself in an immediate funk. I browse the internet and view stories that make me weep. I look at the news and see stories that make me angry. I read articles that make sad and facebook posts that disappoint me. All before 8am. And then the same happens before I fall asleep....
Sitting in judgment of others is something I fight daily not to succumb to. It’s simple for me to point my finger at those I deem to be wrong. It’s easy for me to suck my teeth and smirk at people who I feel aren’t behaving in a manner I consider appropriate. Who am I? Life is too short to spend time judging. The time I spend criticizing could be spent making myself better. It’s time that could be spent uplifting and encouraging. It’s time that could be spent spreading the love that I crave day in and day out. Life is too short.
What will my legacy be? When I’m gone, what will people say about me? How will people reminisce about me? I know some of what people say about me now. Is that what I want them to say about me then? As I sit on the couch typing and watching television, I wonder if I’m living my best life. Am I the best me that I can be? No, I don’t think I am. I think I have so much to learn. I think I have so much to give and so much to receive. I know that I haven’t achieved the goals that I set for myself. I know that true happiness has eluded me but I see it and I will continue to grasp at it. Life is short and I refuse to give up. I know I’m capable of living a life that showcases the best me.
So as I think about my loved ones who’ve departed, I pray that I spend the rest of my time on this earth living up to the dreams I envisioned as a kid. I pray that I don’t leave this earth too young, in debt, childless, husbandless or loveless. I pray that my memoir is published and received with great adoration. I pray that I get to buy that home I envision every day. I pray that my family truly sees how much they mean to me. I pray that my best friend raises her kids to know that I may not be blood or their godmom, but titi loves them like her own and will help teach them about God. I pray that my mother knows that I may seem quiet, argumentative and/or despondent at times but my heart is always filled with and focused on her. I pray that my pops knows I learned about true forgiveness because of him. I pray that my brothers know that their hugs and kisses are my favorite out of everyone. I pray that my cousins know that I would cut off both arms for them. I pray that if you’re reading this you know that I love you and I want you to be your best you.
Life is short.....stand up, embrace it, and be your best you!!!!
My name is Tamieka Blair and I live on Long Island in New York. I write, I read, I write, I work, I write, I support..I WRITE!!!
Please note that the viewpoints expressed in this blog are solely my views and do not necessarily represent those of any employer or company associated with Tamieka Blair.