I have moments where I feel so extremely low and devoid from happiness. It's the type of feeling that can pull you under and cause you to think the worse things about yourself, to feel bad about yourself and to have a level of insecurity that should never make itself present. Most of the those feelings are conjured up when I think about where my life is. I always wanted to be a mom, a wife a homemaker. I wanted to be a home owner. I wanted to have a successful career writing. I wanted all of that and more.
Today those wants feel so distant. As I sit in a cramped musty room, on a hard futon allowing the gray light to stream inside I find myself overwhelmed with frustration. I'm nowhere near the space I wanted to be in. On top of that some of my familial relationships have faltered and to be honest part of me has no desire to try and repair them.
So now what? Continue to feel bad for myself? Continue to dream? Continue to save? Continue to ignore? Continue to cry? Continue to pray?
Even though I still don't know what my purpose is? Is anyone out there? Does anyone else ever feel this way?