Growing up, my moms side didn't hug much and on my dads side I was really only close to my grandmother and great aunt. They loved giving me hugs and I always felt loved. Even though my moms side wasn't as affectionate I felt loved. I think about the past a lot and think where would I be without my loved ones. Growing up in a household filled with turmoil and grief it was my family in NY that helped me to hold on to the belief that love would guide me to happiness. It did!!
Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV and started to think about what my life would be without certain family members and friends. I've lost people that I never thought I'd be able to "get over". When my grandmother Blanche died, I cried for months. I'm crying now just thinking about her sudden passing. I hated that feeling and the loss still resonates today. Her death taught me that in life, no matter what you can never be prepared so the key is to live in the moment and appreciate all you have. Her death taught me to express your love daily whether its by saying it or showing it. Her death taught me to get out of your own way and to remember that things that happen in life are not always about you. When she died, I realized how much I loved my family and how much I depended on them to live this life. I'm not the greatest person but because of them I recognize what truly is important.
Typing this and crying at the same time is a bit cathartic. I hope that you will take this for what it is and maybe tell or show your heart to the people you care about and love today. Shout out to my mom, my dad, pam, eric, brian, lynn, tisha, yolanda, zeb, christina, arthur, rachel, trevor, marisa, peter, marina, christopher and all of my cousins, family members and friends that hold a piece of my heart.