When I would look at images of beautiful black women, or what society would deem beautiful, they were always ten shades lighter. In order for me to even think of 3 dark women who were and/or are considered beautiful for this blog, I had to google them because the only one who popped into my head was Naomi Campbell. I grew up being called tar baby and black banana….by members of my own family. A "friend" once told me that if I was lighter i'd be pretty. In public I laughed along, but in private the tears flowed freely. Today I still weep. I haven’t gotten over the dark thing and I don’t think I ever will. There are more images of dark women then there were when I was a kid, but not enough to make me feel confident in who I am. I get compliments from people about my complexion and some even call me beautiful, but in my heart I don’t believe it. It’s a tough thing to feel and it’s a struggle I’ve had since I was a kid, but I hope that one day I will realize it doesn’t matter.
I was watching black girls rock on BET, and although I believe I too rock, based on a plethora of reasons, I truly believe that my complexion holds me back from being viewed by people in that way. I know that if I were lighter or even white, I’d probably be viewed and treated differently by society. I know that if I were lighter or even white, I’d be given certain advantages and privileges not currently afforded to me. But, the fact remains that I’m not and I never will be. As a woman and for me more importantly a black woman, I work hard to get the things I have, and to be appreciated for my contributions. I know that when I’m acknowledged it’s not because of my skin tone, it’s because of what I’ve done and nothing else. I will never be considered achieving greatness because I’m dark skinned. I will never get ahead in life because I’m pretty. I will never excel at work and get a promotion based on my looks. I will never get a book deal because I have a beautiful complexion. No, I will get all I get because I put in the effort…the extra effort.
If you’re light, fair or white don’t hate on me and my blog. We all have issues, I’m sure you have them too. This isn’t a post aimed at pointing the finger at you and crying woe is me. NO, instead I’m simply exposing a piece of my reality. Something I’ve only shared with less than a handful of people over the years. I’m flawed yes, but I pray that one day I will look in the mirror and not see the image of that little girl who thought her color made her less than. Maybe one day I’ll look in the mirror and see my grandmothers face and disagree with her sentiments. Maybe one day I’ll look in the mirror and see beauty staring me in the face. Maybe one day…..