Today marks four months since the last day I worked at my previous job. It has been an eye opening four months that I honestly wouldn't wish on anyone. I've gone from anger and resentment, to sadness and disillusionment. Trying to make sense of the why's while simultaneously trying to create a new what has been difficult. I've always been the type to try and not be self deprecating. I've dealt with worse scenarios in life but for some reason this feels different.
At times I feel as though my age may be a hinderance, or that my gender plays a role or even that my race is blocking my blessings. Not being able to secure interviews, or being "ghosted" absolutely sucks. Going to job fairs and the labor office every week gets me out of the house but it doesn't do much for lifting my spirits. I still sit in a space of confusion and I still have questions. Why am I not getting the calls? What is it? What makes me not have that "IT" factor. All I want to do is clock in, work and clock out. No, I don't want to be an influencer, or a podcaster or an entrepreneur. I just want to have a task, do the job and go home.
Today, sitting here four months after "leaving" my last job I'm disappointed. Time off will allow you to reflect. Reflect on mistakes made. Reflect on failed decisions. Reflect on relationships. Reflect on who I am today. I believe this is a lesson for my life. A lesson that I may have been taught before but failed when put into practice. But life is filled with opportunities for do overs. This four month stint has seen me sitting in a metaphorical class relearning the lessons from past lived experiences. I know my next role will come around again. It may not look like any role I've ever had before and that's okay. What is not okay is giving up. And so, I'll continue to go to job fairs. I'll continue to rewrite cover letters and send out resumes upon resumes. I'll continue to go to the bookstore, coffee shop, library, labor office and the beach to "work" on finding that next role. I'll continue to search for the why's and I'll continue to believe that the what is within arms reach.
At times I feel as though my age may be a hinderance, or that my gender plays a role or even that my race is blocking my blessings. Not being able to secure interviews, or being "ghosted" absolutely sucks. Going to job fairs and the labor office every week gets me out of the house but it doesn't do much for lifting my spirits. I still sit in a space of confusion and I still have questions. Why am I not getting the calls? What is it? What makes me not have that "IT" factor. All I want to do is clock in, work and clock out. No, I don't want to be an influencer, or a podcaster or an entrepreneur. I just want to have a task, do the job and go home.
Today, sitting here four months after "leaving" my last job I'm disappointed. Time off will allow you to reflect. Reflect on mistakes made. Reflect on failed decisions. Reflect on relationships. Reflect on who I am today. I believe this is a lesson for my life. A lesson that I may have been taught before but failed when put into practice. But life is filled with opportunities for do overs. This four month stint has seen me sitting in a metaphorical class relearning the lessons from past lived experiences. I know my next role will come around again. It may not look like any role I've ever had before and that's okay. What is not okay is giving up. And so, I'll continue to go to job fairs. I'll continue to rewrite cover letters and send out resumes upon resumes. I'll continue to go to the bookstore, coffee shop, library, labor office and the beach to "work" on finding that next role. I'll continue to search for the why's and I'll continue to believe that the what is within arms reach.
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