In 2016, I was living in the smallest room in the basement of my family home. This was the home I grew up in and the room that was mine when I was a child. I slept on a futon that I made as comfortable as possible by padding it with comforters. The room wasn’t big enough for a queen-sized bed and furniture. Sometimes, I would stare out of the window that was just up over the ground and wonder how I got here. I was a year out from being fired from a job I hated and an industry that just didn’t suit me well. To make ends meet, I worked three part time jobs and drove a car that perpetually had the engine light on because of a faulty catalytic converter that I didn’t have enough money to replace.
Back then, I struggled financially but suffered silently trying to be a martyr. I didn’t want to ask my mom for money because she had her own responsibilities and asking my dad seemed like a stupid useless thing to do. I lived for going out to eat with my friends because it got me out of the house. The problem was that eating out was expensive and so I continuously racked up my credit card. I didn’t want to share with anyone just how horrible I was feeling, living and doing.
To ease the stress, I would go to the casino. Big mistake. I grew deeper into debt and let's be real, they always got more money from me than what they gave to me. But, sitting in silence on a machine aimlessly pressing a button while daydreaming about what could be, is what made me feel better. There were times where I would book a room there just so that I could sleep on a real bed. 2016 was a rough year. I honestly didn’t think it would get better.
During this time, I still believed in prayer, but I just felt like God wasn’t hearing mine. My mother would always say be specific in your prayers and I tried that. She would say you’re on Gods timeline not the other way around. I believed her, but I still hated what my life had become. I was a single, childless (didn’t have a cat haha) lady with no ambition. As the years dragged on, nothing changed in me or around me. I didn’t feel sad, or angry or ambivalent I just accepted that we all have a path in life and that path was mine.
I was wrong.
In 2020, 4 years later I felt a shift. I had just accepted a part time job at the company my mom worked for, that would entail me traveling. I was excited, for upcoming trips to Chicago, Copenhagen, Malaysia and Amsterdam. Then Covid hit. It was all pulled away and I no longer had that job because travel was halted indefinitely. It was a rough year, but I for some reason felt optimism. I was doing a podcast with my best friend; I was traveling to visit my mom in NC more and I was focusing on maintaining my personal peace. I wasn’t sure what my future held but I knew I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living.
In the summer of 2021, I was finally officially hired by that company part time work. This allowed me to quit one of my jobs. The company ultimately made me full time so I could quit another and within a year I was promoted to Director. I moved out of the family home, purchased a new car, paid off one credit card (still aiming for debt free), and began to refocus my goals. My student loans were forgiven which helped sooo damn much!! I realized how much I loved traveling, and the job allowed me the opportunity to do that. I work remotely which is great because I enjoy being by myself. But I also recognize I don’t need to be a hermit and so I kept one of my part time jobs just so that I would be forced out of the house to see and speak to people. Life for me in 2024 is pretty good. Could it be better? Yes. Am I waiting for the shoe to drop? Yes. Do I still struggle with finances? Yes. Do I still like to gamble? Yes. Am I better off in 2024 than I was in 2016? YES!! Life is about ups and downs and I understand that on so many levels. I’m just grateful that when I was down, I had my family to give me a place to lay my head. Grateful that my mom always told me she was proud of me when I was incapable of being proud of myself. Grateful that my faith in God remained an integral part of my life. You never know where life is going to lead you, but one thing I've learned is that I don't want to go back to how it was. Forward, with one foot in front of the other is the only way....
Back then, I struggled financially but suffered silently trying to be a martyr. I didn’t want to ask my mom for money because she had her own responsibilities and asking my dad seemed like a stupid useless thing to do. I lived for going out to eat with my friends because it got me out of the house. The problem was that eating out was expensive and so I continuously racked up my credit card. I didn’t want to share with anyone just how horrible I was feeling, living and doing.
To ease the stress, I would go to the casino. Big mistake. I grew deeper into debt and let's be real, they always got more money from me than what they gave to me. But, sitting in silence on a machine aimlessly pressing a button while daydreaming about what could be, is what made me feel better. There were times where I would book a room there just so that I could sleep on a real bed. 2016 was a rough year. I honestly didn’t think it would get better.
During this time, I still believed in prayer, but I just felt like God wasn’t hearing mine. My mother would always say be specific in your prayers and I tried that. She would say you’re on Gods timeline not the other way around. I believed her, but I still hated what my life had become. I was a single, childless (didn’t have a cat haha) lady with no ambition. As the years dragged on, nothing changed in me or around me. I didn’t feel sad, or angry or ambivalent I just accepted that we all have a path in life and that path was mine.
I was wrong.
In 2020, 4 years later I felt a shift. I had just accepted a part time job at the company my mom worked for, that would entail me traveling. I was excited, for upcoming trips to Chicago, Copenhagen, Malaysia and Amsterdam. Then Covid hit. It was all pulled away and I no longer had that job because travel was halted indefinitely. It was a rough year, but I for some reason felt optimism. I was doing a podcast with my best friend; I was traveling to visit my mom in NC more and I was focusing on maintaining my personal peace. I wasn’t sure what my future held but I knew I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living.
In the summer of 2021, I was finally officially hired by that company part time work. This allowed me to quit one of my jobs. The company ultimately made me full time so I could quit another and within a year I was promoted to Director. I moved out of the family home, purchased a new car, paid off one credit card (still aiming for debt free), and began to refocus my goals. My student loans were forgiven which helped sooo damn much!! I realized how much I loved traveling, and the job allowed me the opportunity to do that. I work remotely which is great because I enjoy being by myself. But I also recognize I don’t need to be a hermit and so I kept one of my part time jobs just so that I would be forced out of the house to see and speak to people. Life for me in 2024 is pretty good. Could it be better? Yes. Am I waiting for the shoe to drop? Yes. Do I still struggle with finances? Yes. Do I still like to gamble? Yes. Am I better off in 2024 than I was in 2016? YES!! Life is about ups and downs and I understand that on so many levels. I’m just grateful that when I was down, I had my family to give me a place to lay my head. Grateful that my mom always told me she was proud of me when I was incapable of being proud of myself. Grateful that my faith in God remained an integral part of my life. You never know where life is going to lead you, but one thing I've learned is that I don't want to go back to how it was. Forward, with one foot in front of the other is the only way....
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